Canada Garden: Tragedy On Golden Pond

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Tragedy On Golden Pond

A tragic tale of woe comes to us from On Golden Pond in Waltz, Michigan. A giant Blue Heron was sited by a local pond-owner, P.J. Powers, as she was getting ready for her busy day. While sipping her mocha and scurrying about in search of matching socks, out the back window she experienced a horrific site. A giant Blue Heron, also known as "Satan with feathers," was spotted lounging at pondside in the wee hours of the day.
Action reporter Dudley Doodiddly has a live report at the scene of the attack...
Reporter: "Can you tell me ma'am....what did you see?"
Witness: "Well, I was just mindin' my own business and sippin' my mocha, when I saw a HUGE, statuesque mother-(bleeeeep) crane standing by my pond waiting for my fish to surface. I felt like I'd been through a home invasion. Violated. Devastated. Humiliated. Infuriated... Woe is me."
Reporter: "Can you tell me what you did, ma'am?"
Witness: "Yes, sir...I scared him away. I ran out the door and he flew away. He was one big bird."
Reporter: "So, that was the end of the story, ma'am?"
Witness: "No...within 20 minutes, the statue was back. So I ran out the back door and screamed like a monster. Really loud, so I'm sure I woke my neighbors up. It was really hard to go to work. I did not know the fate of my precious little fish. But before I left, I strung a bunch of fishing line all across the pond like a big spider web. I must have looked like a crazy lady."
Reporter: "That's real interestin...but I have a most pressing question for you now. Do you always serve fish-mcmuffins at the fly-thru in your own backyard, ma'am?"
Witness: "No, sir. You are a moron."
(The camera falls to the ground and loud scuffling noises and whimpering shrieks are heard... now back to news anchor, Molly Mygolly): The pond owner and her loving husband fed their fish at dusk that evening, as always. The population appears to be shrinking. At least one sweet little yellow and white fish has been declared Missing in Action (Or Missing in a Bird's Belly?) More news to come as it develops.

1 comment:

P.J. said...

I can't believe you did that. For the record, the heron didn't get his dues (Jeff didn't have the opportunity, because it didn't show up again.)